If he'd just pay me what he's spending to make me stop robbing him, I'd stop robbing him.

It is Tuesday night, around 11pm and I need to get up early and go to work on a Geek Squad commercial for significantly less than my normal rate. Shades of Stockholm, I can't sleep and have been perusing the Intrawebs for the curious, the stupid, the redundant, and the non-porn. I am once again reminded of both the ridiculous nature of commercial making and the sublime joy to be found in said film making.

For what I hope are clearly obvious reasons, making commercials should be considered one of the biggest wastes of time that humanity has ever devised. Yes, I make the bulk of my "fortune" by working on these 60 and 30 second gems of American consumer culture but that doesn't mean I think they are anything other than  what they are: emotionally disruptive and manipulative bits of throwaway pop culture. It doesn't help that I work on them here, in LA, the center of it all. "It all"? What the fuck do people mean when they say that? If LA's commercial output is any indicator then LA is the home to some of the most uncreative minds ever to slouch over a laptop at Starbucks. Sure, many of the spots we end up shooting were the "brainchild" of some dickless  wonder at an ad agency on the East Coast or in the Midwest but they still get put together here and a lot of homegrown crackpots end up writing this drivel as well. I know I complain all the time but a simple search of the Internets will quickly establish that I write the truth: Americans like boring commercials. Ever see a European car commercial? You don't even see the car usually. The VW spots we did awhile back were great: a fucking trebuchet!

 

There are a lot of fun things about making commercials. Namely, the schedules are usually nice and relaxed and doable. None of that music video shit where we try to shoot a feature in two days. The pay is usually better, too. And the food. But all of this has nothing to do with the actual commercial, ya know. The finished bit of work will still suck, like the KMart spots we just did. Dull. By dullards. Who obsessed over the color of the rug three hours after we had already started shooting. Ah, it's a good thing I'm not drinking this month or I'd be in a lot of trouble by now. Whatever.

Off to sleep. Must be relaxed and ready for a day of green screen special effects shots on the Geek Squad commercial. For $8 an hour. My day rate is $55 an hour. Why do I feel like a crane is going to drop on me again?

Peace out, bitches!