In honor of the tenth anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 I tried to remember that this country is, in theory, based on a set of constitutional laws and not religious mythology. I tried to remember that we are a democracy and not a theocracy or a kleptocracy or a chickenshit fascist state. I tried to remember that we're supposed to be the home of the free, land of the brave and not the home of the Patriot Act and land of the "with us or against us." I tried to remember that other countries were encouraged to send us their tired, their poor, their huddled masses yearning to breathe free and we weren't going to send them to Guantanamo.
This country has always had a spotty, inconsistent, multi-tiered track record. The wealthy and the white have always lived in a different America than the rest of us. Sometimes the gap was outrageous, sometimes not as much. Right now it's stupendous. We've reacted to deaths of 3,000 innocents by killing or causing to be killed nearly 920,000 people in Afghanistan and Iraq and that number includes American casualties as well. (More importantly it's based on the lowest credible estimates.) How many people do we need to kill, maim, or displace before we say enough, or vengeance has been sated? Is 306 people per person killed in the 9/11 attacks enough or should we go for 400? What the fuck is the point? They'll all still be dead next 9/11.
I watched football all day on 9/11. I muted the set every time a mindlessly patriotic commercial came on or when a meat puppet wanted to honor the troops. Honor the troops? Some of them weren't even in double digits when 9/11 happened. They've grown up with war and, thanks to our awesomely underfunded and devalued educational system, probably don't even know why they're really fighting and dying.
"After all, this is the guy who tried to kill my Dad."- George W. Bush
"The truth is that for reasons that have a lot to do with the U.S. government bureaucracy, we settled on the one issue that everyone could agree on, which was weapons of mass destruction, as the core reason."- Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz
Revenge as a guiding light for foreign policy? Random accusations? Sure. Why not? I mean, it's not like any of us are going to get killed or maimed, right?
The tenth anniversary of a bunch of misguided cowards from a fucked up theocracy attacking the US of A should be a day of remembering what we really stand for, not what a parade of demagogues, cowards, liars, and war profiteers say we stand for. We should remember that people used to look to the US for some semblance of sanity. Yeah, I know, we ruined vast swathes of the world with our anti-Commie bullshit. We also fucked up the Middle East more than the Brits could ever have hoped to do in their day. Nevertheless, prior to and just after 9/11 people around the world still respected us to a degree. Today? Not so much.
Let's make sure that in the next ten years we get back to what we were before we collectively decided to abdicate our roles as citizens of a democracy and gave the whole thing over to "the smartest guys in the room" who've brought us unending war, the Second Great Depression, and the scorn of generations of people around the world.
Peace out, bitches.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
So it's into the fucking breach tomorrow. I leave for New Mexico in the morning with bow and arrow in hand in search of the mighty wapiti. Elk hunting, son! Solo! In a mountain range I've never been to before!
I am stupid, small, and scared.
But hey, the tickets and tags and new gear are all purchased and packed so I might as well suck it up and go. What's the worst that could happen? Eaten by a bear? I was probably asking for it. Fall to my death? Serves me right for not paying attention. Fucked up and forgot to bring enough water? Death by dehydration is for the stupid so sign me up. Struck by lightning? Told you there wasn't a God, just impersonal and random Mother Nature.
If it all really works I come back with meat and antlers and a great story. If it almost works I come back with meat and a great story about shooting a cow elk. If it doesn't work I come back empty handed with some sweet photos of my very expensive camping trip in the woods. If it really doesn't work I don't come back. Three out of four odds? I've had worse and been massively less prepared so...
But let's look on bright side: I'm actively adding to my mystique in Hollywood. I'm staying fit and young at heart. I'm contributing the local environment in New Mexico. I'm contributing to the proper management of wildlife and funding for said wildlife programs. And hey, Captain Killjoy Preggers said I could go! Maybe we should change her name. Maybe.
OK, I'm off to give my gear the once over for the forty-seventh time.
Peace out, bitches!
I am stupid, small, and scared.
But hey, the tickets and tags and new gear are all purchased and packed so I might as well suck it up and go. What's the worst that could happen? Eaten by a bear? I was probably asking for it. Fall to my death? Serves me right for not paying attention. Fucked up and forgot to bring enough water? Death by dehydration is for the stupid so sign me up. Struck by lightning? Told you there wasn't a God, just impersonal and random Mother Nature.
If it all really works I come back with meat and antlers and a great story. If it almost works I come back with meat and a great story about shooting a cow elk. If it doesn't work I come back empty handed with some sweet photos of my very expensive camping trip in the woods. If it really doesn't work I don't come back. Three out of four odds? I've had worse and been massively less prepared so...
But let's look on bright side: I'm actively adding to my mystique in Hollywood. I'm staying fit and young at heart. I'm contributing the local environment in New Mexico. I'm contributing to the proper management of wildlife and funding for said wildlife programs. And hey, Captain Killjoy Preggers said I could go! Maybe we should change her name. Maybe.
OK, I'm off to give my gear the once over for the forty-seventh time.
Peace out, bitches!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
I felt like destroying something beautiful.
I think I am a very selfish man but at least I'm not a man-child like so many of the Gen Xers I've grown up with. I say this because I purposely, and with malice aforethought, went out into a group of people and out surfed them.
I surfed like an asshole.
To wit, I dropped in on guys because I knew they weren't going to make the wave anyway. This probably didn't help them learn to get waves. I also dropped in and took a speedline just so I could catch up with someone and either shout them off the wave or line a turn up so that it was dangerously close to them. All of this is actually socially acceptable surfing behavior but only if the other person dropped in on you with some proximity. Chasing people down a wave face is an asshole thing to do. After riding the hell out of a wave I paddled right back to the peak and past everyone else just to show them that I fully intended to take the next fucking set wave so stay out of my way you pricks.
Why did I do this? I'm normally a really nice guy in the water. I travel up and down the beach, grab a wave here, grab a wave there, and peace and blessings on everyone. Not today. Today I was in aggro douche mode and I fucking loved it.
I think the problem is that I'm not exercising enough and not surfing enough. Granted, I work out and surf more than most people I know as my wife is very accommodating and, thankfully, the kid is old enough to have stuff to do. I get a fair bit of free time but I suspect it's not enough. This is a problem as we are going to have a baby in February and my free time will evaporate for quite some time.
Lately I've begun to worry about how I'll react to this change. I have a lot of responsibilities and I take them very seriously. I don't slack. Well, I don't slack that much for a Gen Xer. Either way, I get everything done that needs to get done and I generally have a good attitude about the process. All I ask in return is that I be allowed to do the things that make me happy: surf, hunt, eat well, and occasionally get drunk with my idiot friends. It's really not that crazy.
I think I need to establish a schedule so that I don't turn into one of those overweight Dads who spends all of his non-work time servicing everyone else. If I get up at the crack of dawn and surf and run and hit the weights and everyone else gets up as I finish I'll still have time to schlep kids around and clean up after everyone, right?
But what if I turn into one of those middle-aged guys with a midlife crisis? You know the ones, new car, "extreme" hobbies out of the blue, obsessed with being cool. Fuck. That would be so much worse than being a fat bastard who never does anything for himself.
This is what consumes me these days. Well, this and the downfall of American civil society as it battles the evils of neoliberal economics and anti-intellectual religious extremism.
I need an orange flavored Push-Up.
Peace out, bitches!
I surfed like an asshole.
To wit, I dropped in on guys because I knew they weren't going to make the wave anyway. This probably didn't help them learn to get waves. I also dropped in and took a speedline just so I could catch up with someone and either shout them off the wave or line a turn up so that it was dangerously close to them. All of this is actually socially acceptable surfing behavior but only if the other person dropped in on you with some proximity. Chasing people down a wave face is an asshole thing to do. After riding the hell out of a wave I paddled right back to the peak and past everyone else just to show them that I fully intended to take the next fucking set wave so stay out of my way you pricks.
Why did I do this? I'm normally a really nice guy in the water. I travel up and down the beach, grab a wave here, grab a wave there, and peace and blessings on everyone. Not today. Today I was in aggro douche mode and I fucking loved it.
I think the problem is that I'm not exercising enough and not surfing enough. Granted, I work out and surf more than most people I know as my wife is very accommodating and, thankfully, the kid is old enough to have stuff to do. I get a fair bit of free time but I suspect it's not enough. This is a problem as we are going to have a baby in February and my free time will evaporate for quite some time.
Lately I've begun to worry about how I'll react to this change. I have a lot of responsibilities and I take them very seriously. I don't slack. Well, I don't slack that much for a Gen Xer. Either way, I get everything done that needs to get done and I generally have a good attitude about the process. All I ask in return is that I be allowed to do the things that make me happy: surf, hunt, eat well, and occasionally get drunk with my idiot friends. It's really not that crazy.
I think I need to establish a schedule so that I don't turn into one of those overweight Dads who spends all of his non-work time servicing everyone else. If I get up at the crack of dawn and surf and run and hit the weights and everyone else gets up as I finish I'll still have time to schlep kids around and clean up after everyone, right?
But what if I turn into one of those middle-aged guys with a midlife crisis? You know the ones, new car, "extreme" hobbies out of the blue, obsessed with being cool. Fuck. That would be so much worse than being a fat bastard who never does anything for himself.
This is what consumes me these days. Well, this and the downfall of American civil society as it battles the evils of neoliberal economics and anti-intellectual religious extremism.
I need an orange flavored Push-Up.
Peace out, bitches!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Damn John Whorfin and the horse he rode in on!
I am very tired right now. I'm tired of humping cameras and heads and sticks and batteries all over for weeks on end. I'm tired of having a house unfinished. I'm tired of paying bills. I'm tired of a marine layer that makes dawn patrol grey and depressing. I'm tired of people calling the President a socialist. I'm tired of pre-season football. I'm tired of people parking in front of my house in such a way that I can't park in front of my house. I'm tired of taking the 10 to work. I'm tired of waiting for duck season to start. I'm tired of the Tea Party, the Republican Party, the Libertarian Party, and the goddamned Democratic Party. I'm tired of Facebook. I'm tired of poor people voting for rich people policies. I'm tired of Afghanistan and Iraq. I'm tired of Rick Perry and he just announced his candidacy yesterday. I'm tired of not having my Man Cave finished. I'm tired.
I've been working a bunch lately and haven't been keeping up with the news as much as I should but I did notice that Rick Perry is running for the Republican presidential nomination. A lot of idiots on the left are saying this is an amazing thing as the man is so country and religious that if he runs as the Republican candidate their guy is a shoo in. These people are stupid. Perry is no fool. It doesn't matter whether or not his religious beliefs are sincere or that his "strategy" for delaying the effects of the Depression in Texas amounted to doing nothing. What matters is that for a frighteningly large percentage of Americans it's comforting to hear a Southern accent from a white man who's promising to get that goddamn nigger out of the White House and put Gawd back into national policy making. That he's a charlatan and snake oil salesman of the highest order makes no never mind. He's one of them. Except for all of that money and power. He understands them. Except that he's never really sweated out a paycheck or failed to get a GED. He's got a plan that worked in Texas and will work everywhere else, by Gawd! Except that the Texas Recovery Story is a fucking lie and wouldn't work for everyone, everywhere and that currently their unemployment rate is right up there with everyone else at a juicy 8.5%.
Discount Perry because he's a God Squader. Discount Perry because he has, at best, a tenuous grasp of grown up economics. Do not, however, take these two things and come to the conclusion that he can't win. The man has never lost an election in his life, which probably includes class president in 4th grade. He's a campaigning beast, a feral dog, a frothing lunatic. Treat him like a rabid dog and deliver a killing blow early if you want to win. Make fun of Gawd and Country and you're done. The worst part is that in campaigning against Perry the President will turn ever more rightward. He doesn't have the cajones to stand up for the small d democrats that elected him. He's a corporate whore and that's going to be his undoing. President Obama's best bet is another corporate smoothy like Mitt Romney as his competition. Neither one of them seems to have strongly held beliefs so they won't really rub off on each other. It'll be like a taste test between vanilla and vanilla.
In the end it won't really make a huge difference who wins. The system is showing its flaws and the cracks are growing ever wider. A system based so clearly on greed and power and so set against the bit players that make it all function can't last forever. If you believe in starving the government in a country that was founded on the idea that said government is the people then who are you really starving?
Peace out, bitches!
I've been working a bunch lately and haven't been keeping up with the news as much as I should but I did notice that Rick Perry is running for the Republican presidential nomination. A lot of idiots on the left are saying this is an amazing thing as the man is so country and religious that if he runs as the Republican candidate their guy is a shoo in. These people are stupid. Perry is no fool. It doesn't matter whether or not his religious beliefs are sincere or that his "strategy" for delaying the effects of the Depression in Texas amounted to doing nothing. What matters is that for a frighteningly large percentage of Americans it's comforting to hear a Southern accent from a white man who's promising to get that goddamn nigger out of the White House and put Gawd back into national policy making. That he's a charlatan and snake oil salesman of the highest order makes no never mind. He's one of them. Except for all of that money and power. He understands them. Except that he's never really sweated out a paycheck or failed to get a GED. He's got a plan that worked in Texas and will work everywhere else, by Gawd! Except that the Texas Recovery Story is a fucking lie and wouldn't work for everyone, everywhere and that currently their unemployment rate is right up there with everyone else at a juicy 8.5%.
Discount Perry because he's a God Squader. Discount Perry because he has, at best, a tenuous grasp of grown up economics. Do not, however, take these two things and come to the conclusion that he can't win. The man has never lost an election in his life, which probably includes class president in 4th grade. He's a campaigning beast, a feral dog, a frothing lunatic. Treat him like a rabid dog and deliver a killing blow early if you want to win. Make fun of Gawd and Country and you're done. The worst part is that in campaigning against Perry the President will turn ever more rightward. He doesn't have the cajones to stand up for the small d democrats that elected him. He's a corporate whore and that's going to be his undoing. President Obama's best bet is another corporate smoothy like Mitt Romney as his competition. Neither one of them seems to have strongly held beliefs so they won't really rub off on each other. It'll be like a taste test between vanilla and vanilla.
In the end it won't really make a huge difference who wins. The system is showing its flaws and the cracks are growing ever wider. A system based so clearly on greed and power and so set against the bit players that make it all function can't last forever. If you believe in starving the government in a country that was founded on the idea that said government is the people then who are you really starving?
Peace out, bitches!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Well... well, like to get this job. I mean, did you do, or... or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory, or... or, otherwise repulsive to your... your person, huh?
Two years ago I was in Miami working on a car commercial. We're on top of a camera car shooting off mounts and hand held and a Technocrane. It was a shit ton of work. The director was a fashionable little idiot who, in a previous life, got stuffed into lockers on a regular basis back in jolly ol' England. I think the English would have described him as "a right cunt." Every few minutes, in between shots, he would start talking about something with the DP (my friend and the reason I was in Miami) and the producer. Every subject he brought up seemed to be something he had an opinion on but knew nothing about. Literally. Nothing. It was an odd serious of demonstrably incorrect statements. The DP and producer didn't correct him or try to really keep the conversations going and I'm not sure if this was due to their ignorance of said subjects or their boredom with the director.
I know now that what I did probably wasn't politically intelligent but hey, I did it. Cry two tears in a bucket, fuck it. I began to engage the director and ever so gently correct him. Apparently this got on his nerves as promptly after lunch when I corrected him on the dates of the American Civil War he looked at me with his hamster face and blurted out, "It must be hard knowing everything." I smiled, looked off into the distance and fiddled with the remote focus unit for the Technocrane. It was hot and sticky humid but occasionally a salty breeze would blow off of the Atlantic. None of that helped the situation. I never said anything after that until we got to the wrap party. Even then I avoided the director or just grinned like the Cheshire cat and nodded when he spoke, eventually disappearing in a cloud of blue-white Camel smoke. It was all so annoyingly awkward and easily resolvable with a brick.
I'm in Miami right now. I got in around 2pm and by 2:01pm I realized I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday back in Los Angeles. As soon as I got to the hotel I wandered around until I ended up at a nice little eatery, sat at the bar, ordered a glass of wine and some food, and who walks up but Hamster Face the Director. The world is a very small and cruel place indeed. After a few minutes of civilized bullshitting a la Hollywood he drops the line I think he'd been rehearsing the whole time. To whit, "So, how's knowing everything been working out for you?" He's grinning now, staring at me with hot little hamster eyes set too close together in his hot little hamster face. I realize that what's about to come out of my mouth is most assuredly not politically intelligent but I'm not working for this idiot right now. I am, I think, the picture of calm as I sip my wine, ruminate and come back with, "It would be easier if I didn't work with so many people who were so sensitive about knowing nothing." I am smiling again, trying to look normal and polite and not at all like I'm laughing like a maniac in my head.
He retreated after that.
I ate my calamari and my arugula and drank my wine.
Work starts tomorrow out here in humid Miami where there once lived a happy Hamster Face Director. I get to go back to my awesome wife and daughter and dog and new house on Saturday. Everything until then is just civilized Hollywood bullshit.
Peace out, bitches!
I know now that what I did probably wasn't politically intelligent but hey, I did it. Cry two tears in a bucket, fuck it. I began to engage the director and ever so gently correct him. Apparently this got on his nerves as promptly after lunch when I corrected him on the dates of the American Civil War he looked at me with his hamster face and blurted out, "It must be hard knowing everything." I smiled, looked off into the distance and fiddled with the remote focus unit for the Technocrane. It was hot and sticky humid but occasionally a salty breeze would blow off of the Atlantic. None of that helped the situation. I never said anything after that until we got to the wrap party. Even then I avoided the director or just grinned like the Cheshire cat and nodded when he spoke, eventually disappearing in a cloud of blue-white Camel smoke. It was all so annoyingly awkward and easily resolvable with a brick.
I'm in Miami right now. I got in around 2pm and by 2:01pm I realized I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday back in Los Angeles. As soon as I got to the hotel I wandered around until I ended up at a nice little eatery, sat at the bar, ordered a glass of wine and some food, and who walks up but Hamster Face the Director. The world is a very small and cruel place indeed. After a few minutes of civilized bullshitting a la Hollywood he drops the line I think he'd been rehearsing the whole time. To whit, "So, how's knowing everything been working out for you?" He's grinning now, staring at me with hot little hamster eyes set too close together in his hot little hamster face. I realize that what's about to come out of my mouth is most assuredly not politically intelligent but I'm not working for this idiot right now. I am, I think, the picture of calm as I sip my wine, ruminate and come back with, "It would be easier if I didn't work with so many people who were so sensitive about knowing nothing." I am smiling again, trying to look normal and polite and not at all like I'm laughing like a maniac in my head.
He retreated after that.
I ate my calamari and my arugula and drank my wine.
Work starts tomorrow out here in humid Miami where there once lived a happy Hamster Face Director. I get to go back to my awesome wife and daughter and dog and new house on Saturday. Everything until then is just civilized Hollywood bullshit.
Peace out, bitches!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
"It doesn't take a genius to see that the world has problems." "No, but it takes a room full of morons to think they're small enough for you to handle."
I have been gone for awhile. Not physically. Just digitally. I'm sort of thinking about trying to put together a committee to explore the possibility of beginning to plan on coming back. Maybe.
I love it when comedians do the old, "So what's in the news?" bit. I was thinking about that today while perusing the headlines. Obama and the Dems have shown their true colors: a stripe down the back that's a mix of yellow and green. That he's the first black president of these here United States is laudable. That he's a lackluster soon to be one term surrender monkey is par for the course. I feel that as a country we are collectively engaged in a delusion that serves only the interests of our corporate overlords. Think that's ridiculous? Count the logos on the clothes you're wearing right now. Walk outside and notice how few things aren't branded. Contemplate this: name one country we've tried to democratize or liberate or otherwise save from themselves that some huge multinational didn't already have a stake in. If you're honest with yourself you'll come up with zero. Unplug from the Matrix and eat the fucking gruel already, America! These fuckers are going to bleed you dry and recycle your ass for the next group of suckers coming down the road.
It's okay, though. It'll all be fine. The oceans will collapse, the mountains will collapse, the whole ecosystem that most people are too stupid to realize they're a part of will collapse. We'll be running around like the hairless apes we are, panicked and paralyzed with fear. I hope I live long enough to see it because I swear I will find the nearest Republican or Libertarian or Democrat and slap him silly while saying, "I told you so!" That or I'll find a banker or hedge fund manager and choke him while saying, "I told you so!"
As always, Peace out, bitches!
I love it when comedians do the old, "So what's in the news?" bit. I was thinking about that today while perusing the headlines. Obama and the Dems have shown their true colors: a stripe down the back that's a mix of yellow and green. That he's the first black president of these here United States is laudable. That he's a lackluster soon to be one term surrender monkey is par for the course. I feel that as a country we are collectively engaged in a delusion that serves only the interests of our corporate overlords. Think that's ridiculous? Count the logos on the clothes you're wearing right now. Walk outside and notice how few things aren't branded. Contemplate this: name one country we've tried to democratize or liberate or otherwise save from themselves that some huge multinational didn't already have a stake in. If you're honest with yourself you'll come up with zero. Unplug from the Matrix and eat the fucking gruel already, America! These fuckers are going to bleed you dry and recycle your ass for the next group of suckers coming down the road.
It's okay, though. It'll all be fine. The oceans will collapse, the mountains will collapse, the whole ecosystem that most people are too stupid to realize they're a part of will collapse. We'll be running around like the hairless apes we are, panicked and paralyzed with fear. I hope I live long enough to see it because I swear I will find the nearest Republican or Libertarian or Democrat and slap him silly while saying, "I told you so!" That or I'll find a banker or hedge fund manager and choke him while saying, "I told you so!"
As always, Peace out, bitches!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
I have not posted in a bit so here's a bit of photo bullshit. If you have any questions please let me know. I'll answer questions as honestly as possible.
Peace out, bitches!
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