Tuesday, January 13, 2009

What the hell is wrong with you? If you're with a woman for any length of time, eventually you'll ask her that question.

Never, under any circumstances, rush into a marriage because in doing so you will sow the seeds for a protracted and annoying parting of ways somewhere down the line. This is not to say you shouldn't get married, just take your time, weigh your options. Maybe watch for awhile, quietly, how the other person moves through the world. Are their movements graceful and in harmony with the world or are they more likely to smash through things as go around? Which do you prefer? Realize also, before you pop the question or say "yes" that the other person, much like you, is only going to become more what they are as time goes on. If you feel yourself changing, or worse, don't notice you've changed, you might be rushing into something you'll regret. I'm reminded of all of this or babbling about all of this because I just got my divorce paperwork and the ex is out for monetary revenge in an effort to soothe the insult of my affair. It has all boiled down to money: how much for how long and for what. For what, exactly? I suspect it is truly an act of revenge and a rather petty one at that but so be it, I'll pay because, paradoxically, I haven't the time or the money to not pay. It's a wonderful system we've created here: you're told you should get married as it'll be great for taxes (it isn't) and you'll live longer (yeah, right) and it's what's meant to be (I am not so sure about that) and it'll be great (in much the same way having a job you like is great: it's still a job). I think one of the greatest things we could do as a culture in which somewhere around half of all marriages end in divorce would be to require kids to take a class on marriage. They could look at the statistics on divorce and all the other ugly bits of the marriage contract. They could talk to happily married people. They could talk to divorcees. They could study the institution of marriage vis-a-vis religious institutions and the modern nation state. In short, they could get all the facts before they agreed to swallow the party line on marriage being the ultimate state of human bliss. It can be, if you know how much work is involved and have thus made an informed decision about the person with whom you're entering into the contract. Kids should learn that romance is not the only basis for a long lasting relationship. Yeah, it's awesome but are you going to keep it up forever? Odds are no, but that just makes the instances of romantic love over the course of a long relationship that much sweeter. Are you going to fight? Yep, and probably quite a bit but that ain't the end of the world. A well reasoned argument now and then can actually make a relationship better but it's best to get the fundamental ones out of the way before you get married. You know, get to know the other person before you potentially come to hate each other and then proceed to give them half your stuff.

Ah, but I ramble. In the end I guess the best thing to do is keep your mouth shut and your eyes and, in so far as they can, your ears open when you meet someone. Your first instinct about them is probably the right one and you should probably trust that part of your brain over the part that says, "to be an adult I must get married." That part of your brain is the childish part, the part that's still concerned with impressing everyone around you. Go for self and you'll wind up happier, or at least out of the morass that is the legalese of divorce settlements.

Peace out, bitches!


savannah said...

everyone considering marriage, no matter what their age, should read this.

captain chaos said...

Well thanks, Ma!