Friday, February 27, 2009

All right, driver, once around the park, slowly, and keep your eyes on the road.

So today was a day of brilliant efficiency on my part. Yeah, that's the kind of thing that makes me happy, what? Anyway, I awoke early because I had a plan: yoga, surf with Beck (no, not that one, he probably can't even swim), drop board and wetsuit at Melah's, get gas, drive to my place and pick up dirty  clothes and dirty suit and shoes and tie and belt and what what, drop suit at cleaners (twenty bucks to get it in one day! Damn!), get oil change (this was the nice part as I got to sit around and read the paper while eating five, yes five, delicious shrimp tacos), do laundry at laundromat while reading LA Times, pick up suit (twenty bucks!), sit in traffic, pick up smelly seven year old, back to Melah's and an hour of target practice, and now here it is: blog time while Melah tells me about her union meeting. Nice day, eh? If she ever stops talking I'm going to take her to a really nice little Italian joint in Culver City. Don't hold your breath.

Tomorrow is even better: surf County Line, attend funeral in Ventura County, drive back to Eagle Rock for a baby shower, then dinner with Lisa Mir and Drew in Manhattan Beach. That is a shitload of driving but seems like it has the potential for adventure. We shall see.

Peace out, bitches!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I suppose he had a private sort of greatness, but he kept it to himself.

Working in the Port of Los Angeles makes me happy as I momentarily get lost in the idea of what has happened in the place. I helped make an incredibly stupid VW commercial with some nice camera people and some really brusque German cunts. I got paid in cash and the production girls loved me and actually gave me my day rate. All in all, not a bad day. The only down side was that I didn't get to shoot my bow. Ha! I'm a junkie.

Here are some photos from my wanderings by the bay.

Apparently the LA Times has brought in the big guns to keep themselves afloat. Thank ya, Jaysus! Thank ya!

Peace out, bitches!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Go home Martins, like a sensible chap. You don't know what you're mixing in, get the next plane.

Ah, Tuesday night and Obama is still bumming me out. What the fuck is going on around here anyway? Didn't the party of bullshit and rich people loose by a wide margin? Hasn't everyone figured out that the neocons and everything they stand for is what got us here? Why are Bush appointees still hanging about the White House? I voted for a center-Democrat, not a left leaning Republican. Seriously, fire everyone from Bush's cabinet, sack all of the jackasses that were so free-wheeling with their deregulation back in the Clinton years, and act like you have some balls, Obama! Stop acting like the lunatics on the right have anything of value to add to the debate. You're talking about racists, lunatics, idiots, evangelical Christians, and flat-earthers- your basic scum of the Earth. Fuck those guys! Fuck 'em in their defeatist asses! I hate neocons but I'm beginning to hate candy-ass Dems who still think they're the loser party. Bah! Same old same old, just as I thought when this all started. Might as well get a Prius, put an Obama sticker on it, and then not vote or conserve resources or talk to anyone not in my socio-economic bracket. Fuck 'em all. See, this is exactly why I'd rather be on the ocean or in the woods or desert.

Peace out, bitches!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

After all... tomorrow is another day.

It is 4am in the goddamn morning and I just got home and walked my dog two miles. I think he needed it and I'm too wired from work to say no to him. Today, or rather yesterday, was quite stupid and dull and a complete waste of my time and of Wrigley's vast gum fortune. For no reason other than that no one thought to listen to the technicians, we had three crews and really only needed one. The Phantom tech built his rig and then derigged after lunch but they paid him anyway. Not one shot as the camera (a marvel of digital age hokum designed to run at high speeds and photograph rockets and bullets) couldn't deal with the lights we were using in the pool. Strobing and what what so it was expensive and pretty and amazing and useless. The underwater film camera did the brunt of the work while my crew sort of half-slept, half-worked throughout the night. Nice way to spend the night, sitting next to a giant tank with lights in it and a camera and a half dozen people in scuba gear and a woman repeatedly jumping off of a crane into said pool. A-fucking-mazing. Go Hollywood! I got to operate one shot, build a goofy rig in the rain (rain! night shoot! water work! Lions, tigers, and bears oh my!), and then go home. The part that makes me laugh is that the medic gave me a B12 energy drink that kicked into hyper drive as we were wrapping our gear. Time to read all of those books piling up atop my pile of books.

The best thing, really, is that later on today, after I sleep and then do some yoga and go to the gym, is I'm going to pal around with the angst filled man formerly known as my Dear Brother Numsie. Hazzah! Perhaps the sleeper shall awaken and get jiggy wit it. Perhaps not. Either way it will make me happy to see him.

Update at 11am: Just finished an hour of yoga and have suddenly realized that I only slept five hours. Perhaps my dream of never needing to sleep again is naturally coming true.

Peace out, bitches!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Sir, I've inspected this boat, and I think you ought to know that I can't swim.

Work is weird. I've spent the week working with a very talented God-squad Minnesotan going through a divorce. He's going to be thirty soon and has been married since he was twenty-one or two and he's super churched up. Total believer, goes to church every Sunday and does not really question the ridiculousness or contradictions of Christianity but he's still a digital camera tech. Engineering and mythology rolled into one package. He's interesting to talk to somewhat well-reasoned although he hasn't really looked at any other religions. Interesting but to be honest I still feel that the religious are a rather ridiculous lot and religion really shouldn't be used to organize or decide anything important. That said, he's funny and works hard and easy to babble with. Go for Jesus!

Also, we've all lost our minds and here's why:

I was told that the back story on this one is that some crazy bastard is sitting in  a closet tripping balls and his friends recorded him. This is now one of the most quoted and popular videos on several sets. Hollywood is seahorses.

Peace out, bitches!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!

Tuesday night and bitch slapped through e-mail by the ex for not signing something. Ah, the ex. Lovely memories and lots of psychological scar tissue. In all honesty I have been lagging on the minutiae of divorce but I think it's because I've basically put the whole thing so far behind me that I keep forgetting that I'm not "totally" divorced. Is that wrong? Yes. One must deal with these things head on and get past them. I hope all of this will be done once I get off my dumb ass and sign the last remaining bits of flotsam and jetsam and then it's smooth sailing. Right? No idea.

On a more interesting, to me at least, note: I successfully killed a paper target at sixty yards. Lucky? Probably. Deadly? Not likely. Hunting this season with the bow? Hell. Fucking. Yes. If I go an hour or two a day, every couple of days, I might just have to try and get a tag come April. It'll be quite the coup but that's the plan. Wish me luck. Or, if you want to be fair about it, wish the deer luck but I don't really think they need it against me.

Peace out, bitches!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Now, don't you worry. The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there.

Hello. It is raining and quite boring but somehow I've managed to have some fun this weekend. Ani was out and about with various people for most of the time so it's been quality time with Melah and we managed to get our bowls of spicy Pho soup. Good God that stuff is amazing! What kind of person wouldn't want a bowl of perfectly balanced broth with delicate slivers of noodles, onion, basil, sliced beef and meatballs and a ton of peppers? I've been wanting a bowl of this stuff for almost two weeks and finally, I am sated. Some other funny shit happened but so far the bowl of Pho was the best.

Off to work tomorrow for a week and I'm already missing my bow. I still haven't named it as I haven't killed anything with it but I'm taking suggestions. That reminds me, I need to clean FNG! Oops, he's been sitting around dirty for a few weeks, no bueno!

Oh, for my Dad: These guys are clearly morons (look at the hair!) but he does nail this bird pretty cleanly and using a recurve.

Peace out, bitches!

Friday, February 13, 2009

King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!

Operation Bowfinger is underway big time! Bought a PSE "Stinger" compound bow and have been going ape shit for two days now. I just got back from shooting at the range and at twenty yards managed to shoot two arrows so close to each other that I broke the nock off of one of them. Yes! I might actually get good at this. I also shot at 30 yards and managed a couple of OK groupings. Need to mess with the sights, though. Hmmm, off to the tool shed.
Peace out, bitches!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

no funny title based on a movie, sorry

Went to the Lodge. Bumped into way too many guys about to lose their homes or unable to pay child support or about to be homeless. True story. Nothing funny here. Then drove home listening to a story about Indian people, poor people, who earn their money as human septic sweeps. Yeah, human beings who use their bodies to clean out septic lines in India. We're all going to hell.

Peace out, bitches...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The moonlight shows us for what we really are.

Working is a funny thing in Hollywood: when you don't have it you want it and when you have it you can't wait for it to go away. As luck would have it I just finished a rather painless day at work that was made more bearable by all manner of silliness and shenanigans. I love it when  you go to work and your friends are there and the schedule is realistic and you're sheltered from the elements and even the catering was good today. Ahhh, nice. Now, if someone would just pay me I'd be a hell of  a lot better off! Oh, the dog is bored so I must adieu. Later, if you want, I'll tell you tall tales of the Bigfoot Lodge, which I'ma headed to directly.

Peace out, bitches!

Monday, February 9, 2009

George has fashioned me a metal finger tip, I am quite the town freak which satisfies!

Action on the way! I had a meeting with Maria and we're going to start a documentary about a local gang banger made good. He's been an assistant for Robert Graham, noted artist and designer of, among many other works, the doors at the new church downtown. Anyway, he's having his first solo show on March 21st and his first kid is due in April. It's going to be an interesting time for the guy and I think it'll be fun to be both shooting and around the arts again. In addition, the guy has lived quite a life so the doc might actually be compelling.

In the world of money I'm working on a Carl's Jr. commercial for a few days and then a Wriggley's commercial that promises to suck the marrow from all life around it. Tons of cameras, way too much weird work, and long hours. Make money, money, money, make money! Good times, it's going to get busy around here finally.

And now for something completely different: three cheese plate with Manchengo, Humboldt Fog, and some dreamy cow's milk cheese called Le Wavreumont. It's amazing. Also, black olives with herbs, prosciutto, and a sopresseta. Think it'll work?

Peace out, bitches!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Man, I'll try just about anything, but I'd never in hell touch a pineal gland.

Sunday night and all is boring and unemployed and nothing died at my hands. I can't surf because toxic runoff is strangling the coastline. I haven't worked all week because the remnants of several decades of disastrous deregulatory policies are killing the economy. I can't hunt because hunting season is over. Oh wait! You can hunt wild pig year round! Hazzah! Grilled oinker and root vegetables anyone? I'm fucking out of here!

Oh, I did something good the other day: I took a kid to the Page Museum and despite her best efforts she learned something. And we ate pie at Marie Callander's. The pie was the best part.

Peace out, bitches!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I know just as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design.

Ah, Thursday has rolled around and I find myself completely depressed that it is suddenly grey and wet all around and outside. I never react well to rain  and grey, it just feels so uncalled for most of the time. Granted, the rest of the country is under an avalanche or flooded or without power but hey, that's why I don't fucking live in the midwest of northeast- it's too cold and wet.

On the upside, I've cleaned my soon to be old-place and played with the wet dog and am now going to practice turkey calls. Yes, the quest to have something to hunt at all times of the year continues. With any luck Operation Bowfinger will resume this Saturday and perhaps I'll procure my very own compound bow sometime soon. I have until the summer, I guess, before I actually need to know how to shoot. Seems like enough time.

In other news, the world of work is limping along. Somehow, someway, my friends and I are staying just employed enough to pay our bills and save not a damn thing. Good times. I've had the week off and have been surfing, reading, and hitting the gym, and of course, practicing turkey calls. I'm ready to go back to work but it looks like nothing doing until next week. Balls.

Peace out, bitches!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory.

Just heard about this and all I have to say is Bale is an ass and the DP, Hurlburt or whatever, has done his fair share of freaking out on people. Very funny and proof that what goes around comes around. Enjoy!

Peace out, bitches!

Monday, February 2, 2009

I only ask things I'd ask any superstar. What is it that you have got that puts you where you are?

Jesus Christ (superstar!), what a week! I don't even know where to begin so I won't. I'll just post some photos from a house we shot at on Tuesday last week and tell you that you should always be careful what you wish for cuz you might get it and good. I worked my ass off over the last couple of weeks and then went out on Friday and "annihilated this week." I'll seriously buy you a shot if you know what band that's from. Anywhat, Saturday I took the retards (aka Melah and Ani) bowling by taking them to an archery lesson (Project Bowfinger begins!), then my pal got married and some redneck bands played and Melah and I finished the day by eating at Blair's (fan-fucking-tastic! The short ribs with pasta killed it!). Good day. Good solid LA day. Sunday was no less spectacular as we met a bunch of my friends at the beach and Ani had her little buddies and there were kids and surfboards and volleyball and chips and dip and Pelligrino and Melah actually surfed. Fine times were had by all. 

As for work, well, there was the weird house for the Japanese R&B singer who sounds just like Beyonce. That was... interesting. These are all images from a house decorated by an interior decorator and costume designer who has clearly lost his mind. The place is jammed with so many horrible knickknacks and clashing styles. He had a throw pillow with the phrase "Beyond Avarice" stitched into it. What the fuck? The bird was my favorite and I really wanted to steal it but I never really got the chance. 

Following that, the whole camera/grip/electric set of jackasses moved onto another job with another idiosyncratic director but thankfully she was in a good mood. That didn't stop us from shooting Jennifer Hudson for fourteen hours but hey, at least the Director wasn't going batty like she usually does. I did a Bon Jovi video with her years ago and I've never heard anyone scream and cuss so much for no damn reason. Smiles go miles?

Oh, almost forgot, the HBO job that started off the run had a night shoot scheduled for Sunday and I got off work at 7am and slept for an hour in a gas station parking lot and then prepped. Good times!

Now it's Monday and I'm done and I surfed, did laundry, took my dog an a nice long walk and I'm finishing my day practicing turkey calls. God bless America. Not really, I'm just kidding around. I don't actually believe in God in the sense that it could be called on to bless America. I guess what I really meant was Hail Satan!

Peace out, bitches!
ps-Yes, mother! I watched the end of the game. Fuck Warner! Hail and well met Tomlin!