Well, this'll sure get the job done if you can find a fence post to rest it on while you take aim.

At some point they must always call wrap and it is for this moment that all hands are primed and ready. Cases are out on the tailgate. Escape routes for camera and carts have been scouted, prepped, and jealously guarded. At the moment of the last shot and the call of "That's a wrap, boys!" previously immovable grips and electricians, bodies ossified into our camera cases and into the walls of the location, spring into action as if once again powered by twenty-something muscle and grit. Our department moves with a swiftness and purpose seen only in upper echelon military units and ant colonies. We are silent. We are serious. We are getting the fucking job done and we will not be stopped.

At the gates of every cavernous department truck there is a flurry of action and a cacophony of slurs, insults, mendacity, and orders. There are things to put away and they must all, no matter their size or weight or relative expense, be put right. the. fuck. back. where. you. found. them. bitch. To do otherwise will result in the misplacing and loss of said object which, in turn, will lead to delay. Delays on set for gear are unacceptable especially if the delay was self-inflicted through neglect and laziness. As the gates rise and fall and gear is stacked up and then loaded there is always at least one person making sure that every last bit of crap goes back into whatever little hole it always goes back into. In our department I am that person and I suffer no shit from my people. I do not ask of anyone what I haven't already done when once upon a time I had their job and I also do not ask them to do anything I wouldn't do. As such, when, on the rare occasion it happens, gear is lost I direct all calls from rental agents and irate production staffers to the imbecile what lost the gear in the first place. Technically, my 2nd AC is the one who should keep the gear in order, everything in its proper place and grouped according to function. When I need something I want it yesterday and the only way for that to happen is if the system is followed. Not too hard, right? You'd be surprised.

Farmer John just wrapped. We are missing nothing. We have successfully babysat half a million dollars worth of plastic, metal, and glass. We are good pirates and we are very good at our jobs. We have earned our beers.

Peace out, bitches!

Pity. I shaved very close this morning in preparation for getting smacked by you.

I spent the day at Dodger Stadium helping to sell Farmer John hot dogs. We photographed fat guys scarfing down hot dogs in a baseball stadium. It was humid, muggy, and annoying and it's really demoralizing watching fat guys pretend to eat and then spit up half chewed food. Goddamn. What a stupid-ass way to make a living.

On the positive side, I'm one day closer to going hunting.

Peace out, bitches!

I know kung fu.

Today was lovely here in LaLa- the sun and smog were out, the carnivorous wild parrots were screeching and killing pigeons on the lawn, the dog was wagging his blunt little tail, and I cleaned the house and did my laundry. I also made a run to Bass Pro as I realized that I'd forgotten to get a shirt for the upcoming lethal phase of Operation Bowfinger. I suppose I should have used a "Bowfinger" quote but I felt the breathless idiocy of Keanu Reeves line reading was more appropo as I spent the latter part of the day in full dress rehearsal for the end of next week. Yep, I put on full camo outfit with hat and boots and gloves and face mask and binos in chest sling and backpack. I stood out in the sun and shot arrows in my back yard and realized two things: 1) (this is the important thing) my sights got knocked so I had to dial them back in, 2) despite having some fairly nice "anti-sweat" undies it was still hot in my hunting get up. I'm hoping the altitude might bring some relief but you never know. I do have some other tricks up my sleeves and we'll see if they fool the wily California mule deer that I'll be desperately trying to find. I'm excited but I have looked over the regs and I've only got an 11% chance of nailing a deer. Doesn't sound good, does it? The one fact that I can find any solace in is that most people out bowhunting are mullets and that the guys who do score do so every year. Perhaps I am one of those bowhunters and not one of the mullets. (Note to self: cut hair.)

In other news, I've got two days of work with the OG as J Boogie has taken a TV show. This translates into some guaranteed work every month over the next five months. Not bad, not bad, I can live with that. Let's all cross our fingers, arms, toes, legs, and whatever else you can cross and sincerely wish that the economy comes back or half the ACs in LaLa up and quit.

Peace out, bitches!

Wait Master, it might be dangerous... you go first.

I just surfed my ass off! It's bigger than the great outdoors here in SoCal and I woke up at 4:30am and didn't really stop until I went to Bean's at noon to make chilliquilles for Moose and his party guests. Dammit! I surfed Emma Woods up in Ventura County first and then after an hour I rolled down to Topanga with some friends and not only did battle with half the surfers in SoCal but also scored a couple of barrels. That's right, fucking stand up barrels just outside of LA. Fucking hell, I'm beat and happy and I'm going to get myself a pizza. I going to bed early again and getting up and doing it all over again tomorrow.

So now that I've calmed down I'll say this: Moose had a really funny birthday party. Here's the menu: coffee, donuts, chilliquilles, and Spanish tortilla. What the fuck? Then we walked to the beach and watched some horrific closeouts slam into the beach. Mariano showed up and we all chilled and now that Ghost and the Darkness are home all we can think about is sleeping. On that note, good day sir!

Peace out, bitches!

I'm a drunk, Bear, a screw up. I just surf cause its good to go out and ride with your friends. I don't even have that anymore.

Ha ha! My pal Kym came out and surfed with me this morning and the surf was, for the first time in ages, incredibly good. Bog played on the beach in her pajamas because that's what she wanted to wear today. Good girl, off to a crappy start vis a vis fashion and she's not even a teen yet. Anywhy, the waves were good, the water was warm, and the sun was out so I can't complain. I just spent the last five hours prepping cameras and now I'm off to meet up with the Korean Bear. He's in town for a week and guess who else is around? The one and only Buzzbomb from Pasadena, Professor Barney Grubbs! Could be rough, people, could be rough. Despite the fact that I need to be and at work by 7am I think I'll have people over for a few cocktails and see what becomes of it all. Perhaps things are finally looking up around here.

Peace out, bitches!

I'm gonna hit you so hard that when you wake up your clothes will be out of style!

I had the day off and it was lovely. Paid some bills, surfed a bunch, was amazed by Bog's use of the phrase "Jesus Christ!" while gardening read the whole paper, and played with my dog. Lovely. Too bad that's all coming to a close as I need to prep cameras and deal with work and a visiting friend. I'll be helping to sell Milkbone products all day on Friday and on Tuesday and Wednesday I'll be helping to move Farmer John puerco products. Things seem to be looking up in America these days, yes sir! Fine dog food products (that I'd never use) and even finer pork products (that I'd never use) for sale and no one seems to be too down. Yeah, right. I watched the President address the arrest and shabby treatment of Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and all I could think was, how in the hell did an illiterate rich hick "run" the country for eight years? Are the American people that stupid? The President gave a well reasoned, long, and articulate response and then Wolf Blitzer tried to rip on him after the address for giving a long answer. I guess in the age of Twitter an intelligent answer is too much for people to process.

I'm off. I'm off like a prom dress and I'm going to read Karen Armstrong's The Great Transformation. It's quite good, you know.

Peace out, bitches!

You're in the asshole of the world, Captain!

Welcome to Monday. Enjoy!



Peace out, bitches!