Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I promise, that one day, everything's going to be better for you.

Yesterday I was at a graduation and all I took away from it is that life moves pretty fast. One day you're fucking around with your friends and the next thing you know you're making Internet payments on your alimony at 7am, scared shitless that your insane ex is going to freak out because the free money is a day late. Where does the time go? Where did the kid who was happy to get out of high school and do something cool go? I look in the mirror and I can sort of see him dicking around in my head, occasionally whispering crazy ideas straight into my cerebral cortex. Is he happy as he looks out through my older eyes? Does he like what he sees any more or less than I do? Are we still the same person, I wonder. Sometimes I can't recall what I was like at all before I got married and then divorced. I have ideas but they're more second hand accountants of the crazed deeds of someone much more interesting than I. Weird. I feel weird about all of it, or rather I was feeling weird about all of it but then I went surfing and felt like the old me all over again. I even went skating again and now my knees hurt. Bad time to stop drinking, bad time. I hope to find the old me one day and get him back in command of at least part of the ship. Not the galley, the young me couldn't cook to save our lives. Maybe I'll give him the art part of the whole cart. That would be nice, to be able to draw again and maybe shoot a good photo once in a roll. For now I'm going to keep listening to "Waltz of the Flowers" from the Nutcracker and go read some Pynchon because I'm still that fucking punk rock.

Peace out, bitches!

Afterward: I just got my Archery Deer Tag and I think that calls for a quick trip to Bass Pro Shop for some "scent proof" undies and socks. Operation Bowfinger is about to reach lethal stage. Lethal for what's left of my checking account.

1 comment:

savannah said...

take it easy, greasy, ya got a long way to slide! ;~D